Oga, be yourself!

I first heard this saying, during my second visit to Nigeria. This time, I was in Edo State visiting my in-laws' home town. When food was served, my family, as normal asked for water to wash hands and cutlery to eat the food. Jay, my outspoken brother-in-law, laughed at the request, thinking we were joking. When Jay realized that we were serious, he casually said, while laughing, "Oga, be yourself and use your hands! 'They' are just trying to make money from you by selling anti-bacterial hand washing soap…"

I later learnt that my brother Jay meant no harm. In fact, this has almost become a family quote. We use it to remind one another when any of us gets out of line and begins pretending and 'not being ourselves'. No one knows us like family, and this is the best place to be reminded of this.

Authenticity in our living is that one thing that we all agree we need more of, yet no one has a generally acceptable principle on how to achieve it. We also struggle with what it actually means. Does it mean being different? Does it mean being honest? Are we referring to integrity?

While we have many values that we consider important, being ourselves is more like peeling an onion. There's the parched outer rings of an onion that we discard. Yet, to preserve the fleshy and useful 'meat' inside, we need the outer protective covering. Does this mean that the outer rings of an onion are less important than the inner ones? I think not. And on the journey to making a great soup, an onion loses the tough outer parts.

Our struggles are real. Every day, there's darkness that we fight. And there's light that we showcase. We keep peeling back the masks and our issues. And sometimes we aren't sure whether we are being ourselves, when we strive to fit in.

But being ourselves raises other questions. Can you ever ask a mango tree if it's being itself? A mango tree does its thing: grow, produce mangoes, provide shade, provide a home for birds etc. In fact, a mango tree does not need a philosophical discussion for it to do its thing. And neither should we.

Being ourselves does not have to be connived, and guarded or a state of self-reflection. On the contrary, we are all ourselves at every point, even when we do not recognize ourselves through the many layers that we constantly wear. And therefore we must stop the self-judging and the ceaseless fixation with "finding" ourselves. There's nothing to find, cos we are not lost. We are indeed ourselves.